


Panta Rhei

by orphan_account



Category: Agent Carter (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Mentioned Peggy Carter/Daniel Sousa - Freeform, Present Day AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 15:07:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6056125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Time heals all wounds or does it just cover them up still leaving a scar behind?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Panta Rhei

**Author's Note:**

> Would put your lips on mine and love the aftertaste  
> Now I'm a ghost, I call your name, you look right through me
> 
> Jon Bellion - All Time Low

“Are you sleeping with her?” Peggy looked across the table at her ex-girlfriend. There was a pause before an answer and Peggy started to second guess whether she actually wanted to know the answer or not.

Angie leaned back in her seat and stared emotionless at Peggy’s face, “Are you and Daniel still sleeping together?”

Peggy smirked. She didn’t even know why she asked the question because she knew Angie wouldn’t answer it directly, “Ha, you’re still a smartass”.

“Yeah well Peg, some things never change. Not like people that is,” Angie leaned forward to grab her cup of coffee off the table between them.

Peggy’s eyebrows shot up in mild surprise then she quickly recovered merely sighing as she follow Angie’s lead, grabbed her cup and took a sip of the tea.

“You look good English, glad you’re doing well!” the old nickname easily slid out of her mouth but Angie wished she hadn’t added it afterward, Peggy didn’t deserve such pleasantries.

“So do you Angie, are you working on a new show?”

“Yup, just got the part last week; rehearsals start Monday! I’m just an understudy but hey it’s still Broadway!”

“That’s wonderful to hear,” Peggy smiled genuinely looking into sea blue eyes. Eyes she used to make Angie keep open so she could just stare into them, memorizing every speck of green that peppered her irises.

“So how’s LA?”

“Warm quite warm, almost a little too warm.”

“Your English nature missing grey depressing skies, hon?” Angie’s question dripped with sarcasm.

Peggy chuckled, ignoring the undertones of the question and pet name, “I do miss New York because it reminds me more of London than Los Angeles ever will, even in the rain.”

“Well I’m sure the SSR has openings here, you could just transfer back,” the statement was said in the most neutral way Angie could muster but inside she laced every word with hope.

Peggy looked into her cup and answered, unable to make eye contact with her once lover, “While that would be nice, I have other obligations and commitments elsewhere.”

Angie caught the hint. 'Obligations and commitments' her ass, that meant 'I’m in a serious relationship with a man and will not move across the country without him'.

 

“Yes,” Angie said looking straight into Peggy’s eyes once she looked up from her cup.

A puzzled look crossed Peggy’s face, “Yes?”

“Yes, I’m sleeping with her.” 

“Oh…Oh well that’s good,” well it actually wasn’t but her opinion didn’t matter much did it?

“Yes I suppose,” there was a long pause where Angie and Peggy just stared at each other, unaware of the other coffee shop patrons and the barista calling out names of the people standing near the counter.

“This is sad,” the dirty blonde crossed her arms over her chest still penetrating Peggy with her stare.

“I don’t think so. You seem to be doing very well, you…you seem content” Peggy smiled with just her lips as she furrowed her brow in concentration, not really knowing what to say.

“Ha, okay A-gent Carter” the emphasis of the ‘A’ in agent made Peggy cringe on the inside. It was amazing that those two same words could make her feel so in control over Angie’s body when they used to stay inside on those rare Saturdays but now the words are throw at her as an insult. She worked so hard for the respect of her peers to just have the woman she used to be in love with defile them in two seconds.  

“Angela…please don’t do this. I’m trying.”

“Angela? ha. Trying? Really Peggy, don’t even. I’m the one here at _your_ request. You just _happened_ to be in town for a short period of time and you contacted me! Why are _you_ even here anyway?”

“I…I just wanted to see you. I wanted to see how you were doing. I miss you.”

“Miss me? You beat everything Margaret Carter. You never fail to surprise...or disappoint me,” the last sentence was mumbled.

“I know....I am so very sorry. I guess that’s another reason why I’m here, I wanted to tell you I’m so sorry for what happened. I…I panicked after I left.”

“Panicked? People panic when someone tries to mug them. No! What you did was run away from what you said was ‘one of the best things I’ve ever had’” Angie mocked Peggy with a crass British accent and air quotes.

“I was called away for work Angie, you know that.”

“Yeah I get that but I thought you’d be back. I thought it was temporary. You told me it would only be a month or two. Well after two months, only a weekly phone call, three to four texts a day…you were just throwing me a bone. You should have just been honest when you left instead of dragging it out like you did. It was extremely immature,” Angie’s tone began to get louder as she ranted. She’d been waiting almost a year for this; she has rehearsed it over and over. All the things she wanted to say, “You left for work but stayed for Daniel. You couldn’t give me the proper break up in person or over the phone. You just wrote a letter saying you weren’t coming back anytime soon, work needed you and that you and I weren’t going to work out. You apologized then just like you are now, but neither mean much to me to be honest. It took less than three weeks later for you post a picture with him on Instagram. I’m not stupid, I knew what it was but actually I felt so stupid for being so in love with you and how much I gave you the benefit of the doubt right after you left.”

Peggy couldn’t look her in the eye again because she knew everything being said was true. She knew if she locked eyes with the beautiful woman in front of her that the tears she was holding back could cascade down, smearing what dignity she had left.

“Just fuck you English. Fuck _you_ ,” Angie pushed her chair back and stood up. Peggy quickly looked up and the deluge began.

“We aren’t doing this here, stand up!”

Peggy nodded but stayed silent as she followed Angie outside the coffee shop so they could go someplace more private. Angie kept a fast pace a couple steps ahead of Peggy as she led her a few blocks west to an apartment building. They walked up the steps, Angie opened the door and walked through, not holding it for Peggy as she skipped a step to catch up. They went up a flight of steps and Angie stood in front of a door that read ‘B’. She unlocked the door and went inside with Peggy still quietly following behind.

Angie plopped down on the couch with her back to the arm rest giving Peggy plenty of room to sit on the opposite side.

“So you just gonna stay silent English? I guess you are pretty good at that.”

Peggy sat down with her left side facing Angie. She pressed her back to the cushion as she wiped the wetness from her cheeks, “I was scared Angie. Terrified really. You were just so full of life and promise. My job was about killing people and saving people. It was too dark a life to bring you into.”

“I do recall me saving your ass at one point in time!”

“Yes you did but I couldn’t keep putting you in danger. I loved you too much.”

Angie scoffed.

“I did love you Angie, I _do_ still love you. I cared so much…I just wasn’t able to express how I felt, I just knew I had to protect you. Leaving you was the best thing I could have done for you, at least that’s the only thing I could have done. I didn’t plan it out. I had every intention to come back. But once the case I was on unraveled, I realized how you deserved better than the late nights, cuts and bruises, and secrets I was only able to provide. All you did was worry about me when we were together and I couldn’t even tell you what to be worried about. It just wasn’t fair to you Angie.”

“Fair to me? You know what wasn’t fair? Practically ignoring me for two months, never coming back to get closure and fucking one of your co-workers that you swore to me was ‘just a friend’. I saw how he’d look at you English, when the two of you would come on your lunch breaks and I’d wait on you both. You were so oblivious that he was utterly enthralled with you. I don't blame him for jumping on you the second you became single.”

Peggy picked at a loose thread on her sweater as she tried to process everything. She didn’t know how this meeting with Angie would go, she didn’t really expect all of this but then again this was vibrate, emotional, unpredictable Angela Martinelli.

“English look at me,” Peggy looked up to see Angie crying silently. The tears streamed down her face, making her eyes lit with sadness.

 _What an oxymoron_ thought Peggy.

When Angie cried, her eyes turned into the color of a forest dowsed with a summer rain shower. Peggy wanted to reach out and wipe those tears away, wanted to hold Angie and beg for her forgiveness…she wanted to say I’m sorry as many times as Angie needed to hear it, but Peggy stayed still as she felt the tears well up in her own eyes.

“I’m alone because of you. You utterly broke me to my core. I haven’t dated anyone else; I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t commit myself to someone anymore; I can’t deal with being hurt like that again. I’m broken.”

“We’re all broken. I was hurt too, darling. You didn’t see it but I cried every night for a month when I was away from you, it was a constant battle with my heart and head. I wanted to be with you so bad but I couldn’t put you in harm’s way because of my job and I didn’t want you to have to sacrifice your relationship with your family to be in a relationship with a woman.”

“That was my choice to make! My choice and I chose you.”

Peggy looked away from Angie’s wet face as her lip quivered searching for words that would convince Angie that she wasn’t alone in her pain.

“I’m not doubting your heartache Peg, but you just moved on so fast. I mean what: you cried for a month, took a month to work up the courage to write that letter so you could get the guilt of your ex-lesbian lover off your chest then you hopped right into Daniel’s open arms?”

“No!”

“Then what then?!”

“I don’t know Angie, I was in pain! I didn’t know how to handle it, I didn’t know what to do. I just responded.”

“Yeah English, that’s what you are: you’re a responder. Life comes at you, you see where it goes then you act accordingly. You search for balance; you just accept things in life. You’re not a fighter, no you just accept. See that’s where we’re different. I called, I text, I made an effort to not let the physical distance keep us apart but you just looked at the distance and accepted it, fighting it would have been too hard," the dirty blonde turned herself so her legs were now on the floor and her voice got quieter as she continued, "that's all I ever wanted you to do. I wanted you to fight for me. Come back to me, push through whatever turmoil you were in and realize we were meant to be. I would have fought for you to till the day I died Peggy Carter. I was so in love with you. I'm still in love with you. You offered me no closure till now and I thank you for finally letting me have some. I've had this on my chest for too long. After I got that letter, I didn't leave the house for three days. I barely ate anything and I would wake up drenched in sweat in the middle of the night. I built my life around you. Sacrificed my home in the Griffith for you, moved in with you then you left me in the bed you built. I wouldn't just stay in Howard's place while you and I were no longer together. I had to move back in with my parents till I saved enough money to get this place. You left me with nothing with barely a reason."

Peggy had nothing to say. Every time Angie opened her mouth, Peggy just felt more and more guilty. There was nothing she could do to make it better, nothing she could do to fix this, mend the heart she shattered. 

Peggy then stood up and faced Angie still sitting on the couch. She reached out her hand, "Grab it" Angie obliged easily. Peggy led them to the room opposite the kitchen which she assumed was Angie's bedroom. She walked them both to the foot of the bed and stood facing Angie. The brunette cupped her ex-girlfriend's tear soaked face.

"Lay down," Peggy motioned for Angie to get on the bed. Angie crawled up the laid on her back on the left side of the bed. More tears dampened Peggy's face as the nostalgia of Angie on that side of the bed bubbled up inside her. Peggy followed suit and crawled up and on her side beside Angie. "Turn that way," Peggy firmly commanded Angie.

With Angie's back now facing Peggy, Peggy scooted close to have her front fully flush with Angie's back. She wrapped her left arm and leg around Angie's body and just stayed there. She didn't know how long they stayed like that. Angie's body would shutter and tremble as sobs racked her body. Peggy would squeeze until her arm cramped up or until Angie was only sniffling. Time past slowly. Neither Peggy or Angie knew what this meant but they knew they both needed it. Angie needed to be held by her English and Peggy needed to hold on to make up for all the time she missed. 


End file.
